Though there is a growing community of those who are figuring out they’re NPE’s, thus lending itself to sense of community and support, it also seems that much of the group is working through an identity crisis. I have met my biological dad and I know /thought I knew who I am. However, I have tried for a few months now to sort what the addition of new family means/looks like for my family and I today. Like many, the common thought of, “what could have been”, seems to roll its way through my mind daily.
I am considered lucky. When I read about NPE stories, it seems that over half of them do not turn out for the better. Most people have an experience of hurt, rejection, etc. I did not. I was welcomed into a very loving family with wonderful siblings, a loving step mom, and father who is very much like me. I thought this would make all the sorting easy, but in most ways I’ve found pain from not knowing everyone much earlier in life. I am pained and jealous by the relationships, bonds, and closeness that they all share. I’m accepted but I still feel like the one looking inside through the outer part of the window. This is true, “as the sparks fly upward, so were we born into trouble”. Everything has its trouble as well as it’s good.
One of the hardest parts in this journey is realizing that there are tendencies to become stuck. Stuck in the mud. Stuck in your thoughts which bundle like reeds wrapped around a propeller, not allowing any forward motion. That is where I am. Hoping to get loose and move forward soon.
It is essential to grow in patience. If any of us are going to make it through for the better we will need to be patient and seek to have a sound mind in the process. Every negative thought should be attempted to be caught, analyzed, and rationalized. The thought followed by the belief toward the thought then produces the reaction.
No matter if your NPE experience is negative, positive or somewhere in between we have to be ready for the thoughts when they come. When it comes to your identity have you taken time to think about who you are? Have you realized that though you may have a bad experience – tragedy, you are not the issue, but instead the person not accepting you is the issue and the one who is in the wrong. Yes, it is still hurtful but this understanding will help one not to steer down the path of asking, “what is wrong with me”? This is a most self defeating temptation of a road to wander down.
Perhaps the best mindset is to realize this is a marathon and that though we want change or results instantly it’s simply not going to work that way. Like all things, we grow in understanding and wisdom with time. Though life interactions may be better or worse, growth is inevitable from them.